I’m a White Man, But…


I’m a white man, but you should know that:

  • I’ve given more than 100 million dollars to charities that help black Americans escape poverty.
  • I was on the barricades in the South fighting bigotry alongside anti-segregationists.
  • I fought against Jim Crow laws.
  • In Congress, I supported legislation that would have supported black small businesses in my state.
  • When I ran for the U.S. Senate, that legislation was a cornerstone of my campaign.
  • When I chaired several Presidential campaigns, each time I made sure to include my legislative priority as a major plank in the party platform.
  • I fought alongside Nelson Mandela with the ANC in apartheid South Africa.
  • As a volunteer in Doctors Without Borders, I single-handedly  saved tens of thousands of lives in Congo by developing effective means of preventing the spread of malaria.
  • I manned barricades in Paris in support of North African rights.
  • In France, I marched for Algerian rights before the independence movement of the 1960’s.
  • In England, I demanded equal rights for non-white English subjects in the face of acts of discrimination.
  • I marched alongside Rosa Parks, Medger Evers, John Lewis, Martin Luther King, Jr.
  • I’ve personally tutored hundreds of young black students in STEM disciplines. Some of the young people I’ve tutored now run large tech companies.
  • I founded three major institutions of higher education, focusing on providing STEM educational opportunities for (especially) young black Americans.
  • I donated housing for hundreds of black families.
  • I gave millions of dollars to food distribution charities in inner cities, the end result of which was thousands of black people were fed.
  • I instituted Economic Affirmative Action in my educational institutions, resulting in free education for thousands of black Americans.
  • When I flew in the Space Shuttle, I insisted that NASA seek out black astronauts to fly on my mission.
  • When I flew to the moon, a condition of my accepting the mission was that NASA would implement an aggressive outreach program to recruit black astronauts for future moon flights.
  • When I worked with SEALAB, I actively searched out non-white aquanauts to succeed me.
  • When I flew in Vietnam, I also served as a recruitment director to try to give military opportunities to black Americans who were not promoted at the same rates as white Americans.
  • When I was playing professional baseball, I fought to ensure that there were more black executives on my team.
  • In my current ping pong league, I recruit black players aggressively, and I pay for their admission to the league.
  • I’ve given thousands of season tickets to baseball, football and basketball games to thousands of black Americans.

Now…

May I, please, say something on the topic of race?

Please?


— xPraetorius

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