We truly are living in The Stupid Times. If you read this, you’ll have little choice, I believe, but to agree.
The crux: the Georgia legislature passed a “heartbeat bill.” It’s legislation that prohibits abortion if a baby’s heartbeat can be detected. So Alyssa Milano — Hollywood’s Queen of Those Who Have Nothing to Say and Who Say It at Great Length — is calling for a “sex strike.” She’s suggesting that women abstain from having sex until Georgia repeals the bill.
It turned out to be kind of a dud for her. She got hammered from the Left as well as (sort of) from the Right.
Leftists chided her for suggesting that sex was a commodity that women use to get their way, and the Right noticed that she was publicly admitting that abstinence prevents pregnancy, and therefore, abortions.
Well, in the fullness of time — a couple of days — she also got blind-sided from yet a third angle! And it’s a hilarious one!
Now, mind you, Alyssa Milano considers herself to be in the top 1% of the Woke. In her mind, she’s the wokest of the woke! The sine qua non of Woke… the vanguard of wokeness, the crême de la wokeness crop, the very definition of what it is to be REALLY WOKE, Woke, Woke, Woker, Woker-Than-Thou… the Wokest.
In the vast and growing universe of people desperate to be offended, and hyper-vigilant for anything they can run with to get some Offended Limelight shinin’ their way, Insufficiently Woke Alyssa didn’t know, when she was conjuring in her woke little brain what she thought was the wokest of tweets, that she’d run afoul of… the Transies!
You see, poor, unWoke Alyssa had publicly implied that #1: all women have vaginas (trans-women, who are, of course, biological men, but all-woman in WokeWorld (1), don’t have them), and #2: all women can become pregnant (trans-women, being men, can’t become pregnant, and therefore aren’t necessarily all that concerned with abortion laws).
Here’s the tweet that undid poor, ol’, reactionary, bigoted, trans-phobic Alyssa:
not all “ladies” HAVE vaginas. some have penises. it’s not hard to put “cis” before “ladies”. but you chose not to try, and that’s transphobic behavior.
When poor Alyssa saw that she was Wokeness-Challenged, that she was suffering from a Wokeness Deficit, that she was not on the latest rev of the the Wokrosoft Whinedows Operating System, she quickly downloaded the latest updates and after a flash to the BIAS and a quick re-boot in the ASP.net(2) she got re-Woked. Internal diagnostics confirmed afterward that her hard discs had gone completely floppy. Not surprising… she’s kind of CD herself.(3)
Now, mind you, this was just her first update, so there was only a fully consensual, signed-off, notarized handshake, and a very woke peck on the cheek at the end of it all. Don’t go looking for YouTube videos of the whole thing later.
If you read the comments thread, you’ll see that one perspicacious analyst has realized that The Stupid Times have brought us to a place where the only men you can actually call men, are those women who think they’re men. Actual men, you see, are not “men,” but “cis-men.”
It’s all right in there, and the commenter is absolutely correct. If there weren’t half-wits like Alyssa Milano running around taking it all, and themselves, ever so seriously, it’d be Rolling-On-The-Floor hilarious! Honestly, you couldn’t write a parody of this crap, because no one would believe it possible! Gulliver’s Travels, Gargantua and Pantagruel, AOC tweets, are every bit as plausible as… today’s reality!
I think it was the great Jonah Goldberg who said that if we’re all exercised nationally about things like gay marriage, and what pronouns to use, then at least from the public policy perspective, we’ve solved all the actual problems.
Not too far off, that. From a public policy perspective. From a cultural perspective?
(1) You need to click the link! Apparently, Wokeworld.com is a web site run by two people who are trying to sell woke apparel. The link I provided brings you to one of the funniest web pages I’ve ever seen. There are two people — two gorgeous people, it must be said — on the page, and they both have the most hilariously comical expressions on their faces. These are, I believe, the owners of the web site.
Now, mind you, gorgeous is gorgeous is gorgeous, but when the gorgeous person’s only expression is one of him or her gazing deeply into the distance saying to you and me, “Can’t you just see how deep (and, by the way, gorgeous) I am?!!” it becomes… really funny.
They are cute, though. Gotta admit it!
(2) No indication as to whether Alyssa needed to update her VaJava run-time environment.
(3) Oh, stop! I’ve been waiting forty years to do that joke!