Feminism Summed Up in Two Words: Just Kidding… (Part II)


Special K commercial of just a moment ago: “Women… are amazing. Our bodies grow babies, we run marathons, companies, solve problems. How? We eat. We eat almonds, strawberries, quinoa, and, yeah, we eat chocolate. We eat in sweatpants, we eat in skirts, we eat alone, and together. Women eat. We don’t doubt it. We own it. Special K.”

Another Special K Commercial:Women… are amazing. Powerful and determined. And how do we fuel that power? With [the ingredients of special K]”

Ummmm… okay. Women eat. That — by itself — makes women amazing? Or is it only by eating Special K? I wonder whether the fact that men eat makes them amazing too. And what would happen if men were to eat Special K too? Yikes!

Heard yesterday in a commercial: Women are amazing. Strong and resilient. That’s why … [rest of some commercial for some feminine product or other.]

Heard in a commercial several days ago: Women just get stronger as they get older.

Heard frequently: Anything a man can do a woman can do better. Or: Anything a man can do, a woman can do twice as well… and in half the time. Or: Anything a man can do, a woman can do better… and in heels.


Also heard frequently:Girl power!” and “Woman power!” and “Women power!

We’ve all heard them, and we’ve all heard them… a lot. A whole lot.

Now, imagine with me, the other side of all those:

  • Men are amazing. Strong and resilient. That’s why … [rest of some commercial about a “men’s product.”] Or…
  • Men just get get stronger as they get older. Or…
  • Anything a woman can do, a man can do twice as well… and in half the time. Or…
  • Anything a woman can do, a man can do better. Or…
  • Anything a woman can do, a man can do better… and in heels.
  • How about: “Boy power!” Or: “Man power! Or: “Men power!”

Other than the fifth bullet, the first four and last one are phrases that all make linguistic sense, but not realistic sense. In fact, they’re kind of funny. No one imagines that you’d ever actually hear any of them.

Now, go through a little thought exercise with me.

Scenario #1: How would you react if a dude were to say to you, ever so earnestly: “Ya know, men just get stronger as they get older“?

Or, Scenario #2: An earnest looking dude comes up to you and says, earnestly, “Anything a woman can do, a man can do twice as well… and in half the time.

Then there’s: Scenario #3: A woman approaches a dude and says, “Ya know, women just get stronger as they get older.” The dude replies, “No, they just get older.

Now imagine the following phrases, for Scenario #4:Boy power!” Or: “Man power!” Or: “Men power!

Go ahead. Imagine all four scenarios. Can’t, can you? That’s because it’s unimaginable to think of someone — anyone — saying any of the four things.

You and I both know that if any dude were to say any such things to you, and if a boss were to hear it, the dude saying the unthinkable things would be… fired. At best. Prosecuted at worst. You and I both know it.

For Scenario #1:  — the one about women getting stronger as they age — no danger to you at all. If, however, you were to say the same thing about men — not even suggesting that the reverse wasn’t true! — it still wouldn’t be acceptable. Thou shalt not say nice things about men in America!

For Scenario #2 — the thing about men doing things better, and in half the time — no dude could ever say that and keep his job.

For Scenario #3: that would be a firing offense for any dude with the temerity to say it. Even though it’s simply self-evidently true — for both women and men.

And anyone who might make so bold as to say anything about boys and men and power — who didn’t say that men are power-hungry pigs — would cause nearly anyone to recoil in horror as they looked frantically around for the PC police.

But, but, but, how can all that be, if women are strong and resilient, and only getting stronger and more resilient as they get older? Surely no one would need anyone to get fired, or prosecuted, merely for saying something that merely disagrees with all that!

My dad used to tell me: “Watch out for those who talk themselves up a bunch. They probably don’t believe what they’re saying.” He further said, “Those who’ve got it don’t need to tell you they’ve got it.” And: “If you can do it, show ’em you can do it. There’s no need to talk about it.” Whatever “it” is.

Yep. All that makes sense.

Feminism is like all things gay.  Of homosexuality, Patrick Buchanan used to say: “Homosexuality used to be the love that dared not say its name. Now it’s the love that won’t shut up.” Gays know that homosexuality is neither normal nor healthful; feminists know that feminism is a load of horse manure. And feminism never, ever, not ever… shuts up.

That’s feminism. And, just as homosexuality is a disorder that those who have it desperately want to re-define as “normal,” feminism is the bunch of cr*p to which no intelligent person gives any credence. And feminists know it.

But it rules us all.

rational reaction to bullets #1, 3 and 4, above, would suggest that… they’re simply true. Bullet #2 — people getting stronger as they get older — is self-evidently ridiculous, and #5 is just silly. There appear to be no valid reasons for high heels.

It’s true that anything a woman can do, a man can do. Better? Sure: if it’s something physical. But, the dude can do it all just as well if it deals with the mind too.

When I die, I’ll have moved thousands more cabinets, desks, chairs, couches, filing cabinets, benches, stereos, bookcases, suitcases, trunks, storage bins, stalled cars and trucks, and such than, possibly, every woman in America. And — get this — I’ve been a white collar worker all my life. By training, I’ve been a linguist and a software developer my entire career. Unfortunately, I’ve also been an athlete, and 6’4″ tall, and heavily muscled. See if you can guess who was asked to help all his friends and neighbors move. Yep.

I’ve saved my friends and employers tens of thousands of dollars in moving costs — all while having obtained an Ivy League-quality education — Summa Cum Laude, I might add! — all so I could have a white collar life.

I taught myself several dozen computer languages, how to fix computers, how to install and maintain networks. I learned how to speak four different languages fluently, and several others casually. I wanted to have a life of the mind! And I’ve moved and re-settled dozens of friends and acquaintances. Never once were there women involved in the actual moving, except either to make beer and pizza runs, or to provide snacks. Sometimes the women would carry small things out to the truck, or wrap up fragile items in bubble wrap and dish towels.

Think about it , you all! When was the last time you asked a woman to help you move the heavy stuff in your life? Or, to be more precise: when was the last time you asked a woman to help you move, without asking also, “Do you know any guys?

Now, mind you, I have no bitterness whatsoever about all this, but whenever I hear “Anything a man can do, a woman can do better, and in half the time,” I have to admit that something inside me bristles just a bit.

Maybe I simply should have told all my friends who were asking me to help them move, “No, go get a woman to do it. I’ll just be in the way. After all, anything I can do, a woman can do better… and in half the time. I’m doing you a favor by refusing.

After they’d finished laughing, they’d have asked nervously, “You’re kidding, right? We watched you single-handedly wrestle two couches, three living room recliners, six kitchen stools, and a refrigerator up two flights of stairs to move us in (true story… several times), you have to help us move out!” At which point, I’d have laughed and replied, “Of course I’m just kidding! And, yes, beer and pizza are all I need.

Well, women are starting to notice all that. The logical extension to “Anything a man can do, a woman can do better… and in half the time” is: “Do we really need men at all?” Welp, if you believe the former, then the answer to the latter is: “Nope.(1)

Some women have begun to ask themselves that very question, and some have actually examined what might be a logical answer to it. Honest women have come to a conclusion that scares feminists to their core: Not only do women need men, but they need men much more than they ever thought possible.(2)

Not just to move heavy things, but for every heavy, ugly, dirty, awful, painful job there is. We dudes just jump in and do it. We get dirty, grimy, sweaty and gross, and we do it. We bury the cats and dogs who venture into the street; we clean up the septic mishaps, the toilet spills, the pet vomit, the downed tree limbs; we put out the fires, we mop and pump the water out of the basement; we climb up on the roof to get the stuff off, and we right the mailbox that the snow plow knocked over. And a lot more. Sometimes we grouse about it all, but not much, and it gets done, and if we didn’t do it, it just might not get done. Except if she paid someone to do it, that is.

And, then we do the ugly, painful, dirty, awful, emotional things too.

Doubt it? This particular little vignette from my life’s story’s not all that unusual: I’ve given hundreds of back-rubs, foot rubs, shoulder, temple and calf rubs to women who really needed/wanted soothing for rough days. And a lot more.

I’ve never received one such massage. Not a single one. Every woman I’ve ever dated (ummm… many) or married (just one) has refused, I guess because they knew that their efforts would not be up to the massages I gave. At least that’s what they told me before I gave up asking.

I became quite adept at giving massages that gently, softly rubbed all the cares of the day away. I was really good at it. More than a dozen times, I’ve had a sobbing, stressed out woman fall asleep under my hands, and wake up later refreshed and renewed.

I tried to tell them that it was the warmth, the tenderness, the caring that I was hoping for; the sweet closeness of someone simply trying to make my rough day better. It would have meant everything to me.

Time to get personal. Literally all the women in my life assumed that to help me with the stresses of my day, I wanted sexual release. And that was not remotely always true. But, it’s what every woman assumed. Every time.

All the women I’ve ever known have had an incredibly superficial understanding of what it is to be a man. Some actually tried to offer a half-hearted massage, and then moved quickly to my… well , you know where.

As a man, let me tell you: if a woman starts that, you don’t want to stop her — whether you want to or not — because if you do you’re in heap big trouble.(3) It’s one of men’s secrets: not only do we not always want to have sex, we often don’t want to have sex. But, we can’t tell our women that. They seem to put a whole lot of importance into the idea that we want to have sex with them… all the time. So we keep all that secret. And, when it comes to sex, anything a man can do, a women cannot do better. And vice versa.

Don’t misunderstand: We here at the Praetorian Writers’ Group all love, admire, revere women. But this feminism stuff is a load of cr*p. Don’t say it too loud though, you might lose your job. And all for something that feminists don’t even believe.

— xPraetorius


(1) Not counting the production and delivery of genetic material, which hasn’t yet been fully automated.

(2) My son is seventeen years old. He’s already been asked to help others move probably a dozen times. My daughter is — career-wise — a feminist’s dream. She’s an honors college graduate, an officer in the military, a bright, intelligent, wise, mature, young woman. She’s moved three times — to off-campus housing, to her first apartment, to her second apartment, where she is now. Each time, she needed my son to move her and her furniture… else she’d have paid a couple of thousand dollars to movers. My daughter’s funny. I’m a male chauvinist… any man should be one of those. My daughter is more pro-men than I am.

(3) I used to be an underwear model in Paris, and have had “experiences” with hundreds of women, and it’s been true of all of them — no exceptions: Whether or not you wanted to engage in sex, if you didn’t, you were in big trouble with her. You do not turn down sex from a woman with whom you’re sexually compatible if you don’t want to be in big trouble with her. Period.


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