We Coin a Phrase: the ZOMBIE CITIZEN


You know what a zombie is. You have to. They’re everywhere in pop culture. The principal characteristic they exhibit is: mindlessness. There’s no dealing with them, there’s no reasoning with them, there’s no debating with them. They don’t think, they don’t ratiocinate, they don’t introspect, contemplate, ruminate, ponder, self-examine, imagine, meditate, reflect…nothing like that. Everything they do is completely mindless, entirely automatic, perfectly predictable.

They’re like a hungry dog faced with a piece of meat. It eats… every time. No exceptions. More to the point: zombies have the same thought patterns as vegetation. Every plant responds to everything in its environment completely predictably. Hot, cold, dark, light, wet, dry… plants always react the same way, every time. No exceptions. Whatever they do, they’re going to do, and they won’t be deterred until, well, until they’re dealt with.

So, too, with the… Zombie Citizen!

You’ve seen them. They’re Bernie Sanders supporters. Imagine the idea of debating with a Bernie Sanders supporter. Imagine talking issues with him. These are the people who couldn’t find Florida on a map of Florida. Their knowledge of the issues consists of whatever talking point they can drag out of their empty, non-functioning brains. “I support Bernie Sanders because I care about people.” “I vote Democrat because I believe in fairness!” “I support Bernie because he believes in social justice!

Try to interact with them: “Oh? What’s ‘social justice‘ mean?” “It means fairness, and, and, and… caring about people!

And that’s as deep as they get. You’re talking with someone who has the cognitive abilities of a grapefruit… and a sacred right to vote in America. You’re talking with a Zombie Citizen!

In America, we have African-Americans, Gay-Americans, Hispanic-Americans, and a whole passel of other Hyphenated-Americans. Now we have: the Braindead-American. We call him: a Democrat voter. We call him a Sanders Supporter. We call him… Elizabeth Warren. (Zombies aren’t one sex or the other.)

Mind you, there are some Braindead-Americans — or Zombie Citizens — who actually have an issue in mind. In every case, though, it’s something that allows them to justify some bone-headed thing they’ve done, or want to do.

  • They support abortion because they’re sluts… or they want to be sluts. It’s the same reason some of them support taxpayer-paid contraceptives.
  • They support welfare because they’re lazy, and they don’t want to do anything like study, or train… or work.
  • They support environmentalism, because they’re lazy and they don’t want to think. Or they can’t. (See: “zombie,” definition)
  • They support things like Obamacare and socialized medicine because… well, because they’re braindead.
  • They support over-taxing the rich, because they’re lazy and they don’t want to do what it takes to earn their own prosperity. And they’re braindead.
  • And so on…

I wish I could say I was the first to describe this phenomenon, but I wasn’t. The late, great Bob Hope told us about it a long time ago here:

Bob Hope: You live here?

Man on Right: Yes.

Bob Hope: That means you know what a zombie is.

Man on Right: When a person dies, and is buried, it seems that certain voodoo priests have the power to bring him back to life.

Woman on Left: That’s horrible!

Man on Right: It’s worse than horrible, because a zombie has no will of his own. You see them sometimes, walking around blindly, with dead eyes, following orders, not knowing what to do, and not caring.

Bob Hope: You mean like Democrats?


Mr. Hope correctly identified the Zombie Citizen… but we named him.

Another thing about zombies: they hang around together. When was the last time you saw a zombie movie where there was the odd zombie wandering around by itself, here or there? Never, right? Right! There’re always hordes of ’em. They’re like locusts. It’s why they’re so scary… if they catch you, they overwhelm you in an unthinking pile of blank-eyed, witless, vegetative psychos, bent only on tearing the flesh off your bones. Like at an American university.

You’ve seen them… they call themselves: “Antifa,” or “Black Lives Matter,” or “the Occupy Movement,” or “Bernie Sanders Supporters,” or “Nancy Pelosi.”

We don’t just make these claims, we document them. Below are five pictures of a Zombie Citizen, or a Braindead-American. Five pictures, and not a single working brain in any one of ’em.

Pelosi5 sanders3 warren1 sanders1 Pelosi1

Note the blank stare, the glassy eyes… the light’s gone out of those eyes, and there’s plainly nothing going on behind those eyes. Each of the above Zombie Citizens was immortalized in the camera’s lens just before it attacked a woman or a minority.

Some will try to shorten Zombie Citizen, to something like “Zitizen,” or “Citombie,” or “Zombizen.” Accept no substitutes! They’re Zombie Citizens, and they will eat your flesh… if you let them.

So, pass it on. The zombie apocalypse is here, and flesh-eating, empty-headed, brain-rotted Braindead-Americans have taken over an entire American political party.

If they win the next election, the very least they’ll do to you is to take all your money, put your doctor out of business, force your children to attend public schools, and annoy you to death. The worst thing? Well, watch a zombie movie. These movies are not “entertainment,” or “amusement,” or “escape,” they’re documentaries.

— xPraetorius

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9 thoughts on “We Coin a Phrase: the ZOMBIE CITIZEN

  1. @x, this is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read! These are priceless:

    “they overwhelm you in an unthinking pile of blank-eyed, witless, vegetative psychos, bent only on tearing the flesh off your bones. Like at an American university.”

    And: “You’re talking with someone who has the cognitive abilities of a grapefruit… and a sacred right to vote in America. You’re talking with a Zombie Citizen!”

    And: “Imagine the idea of debating with a Bernie Sanders supporter. Imagine talking issues with him. These are the people who couldn’t find Florida on a map of Florida.”

    “Florida on a map of Florida…” Perfect!

    Unfortunately, I think it’s also all true. The zombies are coming! And they want you to vote for them in the next election!

  2. I have to echo my good friend viewer’s sentiments here. I’ve largely stopped commenting on blogs. Too busy and all. But I had to stop in to say, “Well done!” on this one.

    Apollo

  3. One more of the same from me, x. This is some really funny stuff. Sobering too. I’ll be pointing my students to this one.

    1. Lol! Yep. Love the video! Jonah Goldberg is a personal favorite, and he nails it.

      “Social Justice” — like “make a difference” — is a pretty but meaningless phrase.

      Best,

      — x

  4. Great post! Brilliant and funny!
    The term “Zombie” perfectly describes the mindlessness.
    The term “demonic” which was used as a book title by Ann Coulter perfectly describes the unprecedented deluge of hatred that we are witnessing these days.
    BLM, people beating up studends and political opponents, frenzied up people who want to see Trump, Trumps family and associates and Republicans dead or destroyed remind me of demonically possessed people.
    The horror genre provides us with another great metaphor for some creatures in the political world. The vampire, a creature that produces nothing and that sucks the blood out of every living being.

    1. Thanks, Artaxes! I very much appreciate the kind words.

      Your vampire metaphor might be a better one than my Zombie Citizens!

      My metaphor hints at evil done mindlessly, while yours suggests actual intent behind the evil. 🙂

      Actually, I think vampires might describe the leadership of The Left, while Zombie Citizens might cover the rank and file.

      There’s certainly the potential for great Swiftian literature in today’s situation. Is there a Swift among us to take up the challenge?

      Best,

      — x

  5. One more quick note… I wonder whether we need to come up with a new creature. Not a zombie, not a vampire, but something that exhibits characteristics of both, but is neither.

    I’m not thinking of a hybrid like a “vambie,” or a “zompire,” though those are tempting… some new fictional creature that can serve as a metaphor for the ovine, ignorant, occasionally affable, sometimes violent, non-thinking, non-rational being that is the Leftist-American. (to coin yet another phrase and add it to the long list of insufferable hyphenated Americans 🙂 )

    Best,

    — x

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