The Real Story — That Everyone Missed — About the Crowd Size Kerfuffle

I figured I’d wait a bit for this, just to see whether anyone else noticed it. It’s been there, right in front of everyone’s face. From the moment everyone jumped all over Sean Spicer’s assertion that the biggest audience in history saw the Trump inauguration.

However, no one saw the real story. No one remarked on it, even just in passing. No one noticed it. But we did. Right away too. After all, it was right there … right in front of everyone’s face the whole time!

Here it is:

For eight long, surreal years, the Obama Administration, in the person of either Robert Gibb or Josh Earnest, lied about things. And lied and lied and lied and lied and lied again: Fast ‘N Furious, Benghazi, no corruption at the IRS, If-you-like-your-doctor, if-you-like-your-plan, Obamacare will reduce healthcare costs, Syrian red line, no Iranian nukes, no North Korean nukes, ISIS = JV team…

The Obama Administration lied about really big things. Things of real consequence. Things that directly affected the lives of hundreds of millions of people. And the press corps sat there and sucked it all in uncritically, leaving it to actual analysts and journalists — not lapdog suck-ups — to find out whether there was any truth to the assertion or not.

There often was not.

Here’s a quote from the National Public Radio coverage of the Crowd Size Kerfuffle: “Trump’s Press secretary said things that were demonstrably false.” Yep. Like Fast ‘N Furious, Benghazi, IRS, and so on… And now they’re upset about it?!?

Apparently, they just liked the cute guy with the big ears so much, that he could say anything to them, and they’d just gaze all saucer-eyed back at him, convinced they’d just heard Great Wisdom.

So, let’s stipulate that Sean Spicer, the Trump Press Secretary, lied through his teeth. Let’s say that he knew that the crowd size was smaller than that for Obama’s inauguration. The press are upset about that lie?!? Not about “A video made them kill those Americans in Libya?” Or: “If you like your doctor…”? Or: “Not even a smidgen of corruption … at the IRS?”

Obama and company lie about world-shaking things, and that’s just fine. But now the press are really ticked off that someone would lie to them about something of … no consequence whatsoever. Something that affects, harms, injures — literally — no one at all. Obama’s whoppers were just fine, but “my crowd size is bigger than yours” gets them all aflutter!

What, are they blithering idiots?!!?

That’s something a little bit like this:

HUSBAND: Hi, Honey… how was your day?

WIFE: Fine. I worked hard all day and I’m really tired now.

HUSBAND: Odd… JoAnne next door says she saw you making out in the park with Frankie from the Bowling Alley.

WIFE: What?!? That’s not true!

HUSBAND: But, JoAnne showed me these pictures here of you holding hands with Frankie in the park. See how the date on the newspaper in the corner is today’s date?

WIFE: That’s not me! Anyone could Photoshop that!

HUSBAND: Weird! Frankie’s Facebook status says, “Had a great day making out with Susan Flerdsniff in the park.” You’re my wife, Susan Flerdsniff.

WIFE: Oh, come on! How many Susan Flerdsniff’s are there in the world! Must be thousands I’ll bet!

HUSBAND: Nope. We’re the only Flerdsniff’s within a thousand miles of here. It’s kind of an unusual last name.

WIFE: Well, it wasn’t me. Frankie must be lying.



LITTLE JOHNNY: Hey, Dad! The babysitter says she was giving the cats Purina, but she was really giving them Meow Mix!

HUSBANDWhat?!?!? Why, I can never trust another thing that lousy, rotten, lying, little good-for-nothing says again!

It’s like that…

(For the attendees at the “Women’s March” reading this) See, the wife is the Obama Administration caught in the lie, while the Husband is the press who takes the wife’s explanations in uncritically, and the babysitter is Sean Spicer. Get it? [Editor’s Note: Actually, my analogy is imperfect, because the husband followed up on the wife’s story a lot more than the press did to any of  Obama’s spokesdrones.]

If I were Sean Spicer, the next time I faced the press I’d say something like the above, only condensed a bit. Something like:

For eight years, the Obama Administration looked you in the eye and lied to you. About really big, really important things. Even if I lied to you — right through my teeth! —  first, it was about something really unimportant. And second … now you get upset about falsehoods from up here? Now you decide to do your job and call the presidential spokesman on something he says that might be untrue? Seriously? Let’s say I find it all just a tad unlikely that, after having swallowed whole the Obama Administration’s flood of Blue Whale Lies, you all get the vapors about my teeny-weeny Guppy fib.

I’d like to see him say something like that.

— xPraetorius





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