Don’t Say “Man!” (Part II)


A crackpot university somewhere has decided that words containing the word “man” in them, as if designating a “man” of some kind, are to be verboten on campus.

Hence a mailman — whether he’s a man or not — is no longer a “mailman” but a “mail carrier.” “Mankind?” Nope. “Humanity” or “humankind” or some other word. And, of course, “Freshman” would go away, in favor of “First-year Student.”

We covered that a bit in this post here.

My fantasy:

After the policy is announced, a bunch of guys (has to be guys) goes around using all sorts of politically incorrect terms. They have to do it correctly: They should avoid things like the “n” word, because though it’s not illegal, it does offend, and it brings down the wrath of all of America on the user’s head(1).

These college dudes need to be on a relentless crusade to bring more politically incorrect students to their ranks. They need to launch a vast campus crusade to squash political correctness on their campus, and to spread the effort to all other campuses in America. So finally, I’d love to see freshmen and freshwomen running around saying things like:

For Girls:

  • Freshbabe
  • Freshwench

For female profs:

  • Profbabe
  • Profwench

Never say these things in public where you can be heard by the topic of your fun-poking.

How about:

  • White students embracing “cracker?” So, white Freshmen would call themselves, unofficially of course,  “Freshcrackers.”
  • And for white male or female profs: “Profcrackers”
  • Students could assign themselves cracker ranks:
    • Freshmen = Saltines
    • Sophomores = Soda crackers
    • Juniors = Triscuits, and of course:
    • Seniors = Ritz

Then there’s:

  • Sophomorebabe, or sophbabe
  • Sophomorewench, or sophwench
  • Juniorbabe
  • Juniorwench
  • Seniorbabe
  • Seniorwench

I’d have a list of things to call boys and male profs, but you can call them anything you want, and you’ll get away with it just fine. That’s no fun.

However, if you want them to join the fun, you could use things like:

  • Freshboy
  • Freshservant (to be used by anyone sophbabe and above.)

For male professors:

  • Profboy, profservant

Attach “babe” or “wench” or “boy” or “servant” onto the end of any university title and use it. (but not in public)

You might wonder why I suggest the word “servant.” Simple: your parents’ tax dollars, or their after-tax dollars, pay these people. They’re supposed to work for you. Period.

However, you could also use anything like:

  • lackey, flunky, menial, assistant (I like “profassistant”), butler or maid, (“Profbutler?” “Profmaid?” Perfect!), deputy, serf (“serf:” Better than perfect!), or how about: “man” as in “profman!”

Put these things on posters and paste them all over campus in daring midnight guerrilla word attacks. Overnight, flood the campus in political incorrectness. Don’t get caught, but if you do, deny everything:

I was just out for an evening constitutional, Mr. Campus Police Officer, Sir, and I found this pile of really offensive posters. I was just going to the dumpster to discard them. Then, I was going to go straight to your office and report the outrage.

Is there a notoriously idiotic feminist (but I repeat myself) professor, who has said some particularly stupid thing? Put it on a poster that says something like:

Profmaid Sozzlenoggin said today: ‘All men are nothing but zangle-brained flortle grebs.’ Can you believe what idiots teach here?”

Then sign it:

Signed: Guerrilla Freshbabes of the University of Buffalo(2)

Never let a moment of politically-correct university-sponsored or -supported garbage go unanswered. Go underground. Don’t get caught! When you go out, be prepared to spend the night outdoors — they do close the dorms after a while each night.

The goal is not to offend, harm, hurt or cause pain, but definitely to puncture vastly over-inflated egos.

Enjoy yourselves with it! You’d be embarking on a great and noble effort to restore real freedom to academia… but that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun. Make it colorful. Be creative. Have lots of fun with it. Remember, you have the chance to deflate a bunch of hyper-pompous, over-the-top arrogant, super-petty, egotistical, self-obsessed, megalomaniacal, tiny-brained and even tinier-souled, would-be-tyrant egos.

Life is meant to be fun!(3) It will be fun to bring political correctness down. And it’ll be important.

Just imagine those huge, fat, bursting egos, inside those teeny, tiny brains going Pssssssssssffffffffssssssfrfrfrfrfrfrfrfrsssssssfffffffffssssss… as they wilt to the ground.

This is fun!

— xPraetorius


(1) – It’s a practical consideration. You need to be free to do this. And there truly is no need to be rude. This doesn’t change the truth, though, that it should be permissible, if frowned upon, to use the word. One day, in these pages, we will use start to skewer these truly offensive sacred pigs.

(2) – Fill in appropriate university name here.

(3) – Just a statement of personal opinion here. I strongly believe it to be true, though. Especially for those who live in day-to-day fear of their lives, or who worry every day about where their next meal is coming from. Life is really meant to be fun for them. That it is daily stress, worry, and frequently agony, for billions around the world is a massive tragedy for which there is no excuse in the 21st Century.


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