Dems as Caricatures

I wrote a reply to the great Mike, and realized that it deserved to be its own post. Something I’ve long thought and, of course, wondered about.

Did you ever notice that the Democrat candidates (and possible candidates) are all basically caricatures of actual people? (with the possible exception of Jim Webb)

Bernie Sanders is the prototypical union thug/street rabble-rouser, all bluff and glib bluster, and no brains. Is Sanders or is he not a perfect fit on the Bolshevik side of the barricades in tsarist Russia in 1915? He’s Ed Asner with a funny accent, but every bit as addled and dumb.

Hillary Clinton, the hyper-spoiled, hyper-coddled, hyper-insulated, hyper-entitled patrician, desperate to show her “every woman” creds, and just never remotely able to pull it off. A mediocrity’s mediocrity, she along with her trashy hound-dog of a husband would have been drummed out of town by an honest press corps all the way back in 1991! Too bad we’ve just never had an honest press corps in America.

It’s long struck me that Hill-Billy are much better-suited to fill the roles of the ridiculous, clueless presidential couple in a two-bit Norman Lear sitcom. When someone informed Bill Clinton that it wasn’t really the DemoFrat Party, it must have been quite a rude awakening. Clinton wasn’t, as Toni Morrison had suggested, the first black President, but rather the first white trash President. You can easily see Hillary as Bill’s long-suffering, but air-headed First Lady. They are the Al and Peg Bundy of Presidential politics

Martin O’Malley, the deadly earnest, wonky, Steve-Carrell-in-The-Office type, who is absolutely certain of his convictions, and wrong — stupidly, earnestly, ridiculously wrong — every time. He honestly thinks that what he did in Baltimore was good stuff, but simply not enough. Yeah. The country really needs even more of all that great stuff that O’Malley and the Democrats have been doing to the cities for the past seven freakin’ decades!

Lincoln Chafee? Hah! The man’s a walking, talking sitcom-type! He’s the kind of sitcom-type who’s so dumb, so caricaturishly a nitwit, that critics would grouse about his lack of believability in the show. Not even the left takes this sincere, earnest, brainless lefty seriously. He’s that transparently clueless. He’s kind of the Ted Baxter of politicians. Wikipedia says of the fictional Ted Baxter: “the Baxter character is a broad parody of a vain, shallow, buffoonish TV newsman.” To say that Chafee and the others are broad parodies of vain, shallow, buffoonish people is to be unnecessarily cruel to  vain, shallow, buffoonish people.

John (Lurch) Kerry? Same thing as the Clinton duo. An honest press corps would have drummed him out of public life all the way back in the ’70’s! He’s absolutely clueless, sounds as if he’s just said, “Wait’ll you hear this impression of a zombie!” — every time he talks. He’s like Hill-Billy Clinton: the coddled, entitled, hyper-rich patrician über-snob who simply can’t remotely pull off “every man” and looks like a blithering idiot every time he tries. Which is every time he opens his mouth.

• Then, there’s: Joe Biden – Holy mackerel! It’s a completely open “secret” that Biden’s a through-and-through buffoon. There’s something very, very wrong with a Democrat Party that allows Joe Biden to get to the pinnacle of power in the party and in America, where he’s been for more than 30 years. Yet there he is, and Democrats embrace him, and even take him seriously.

You can read the description of Hillary Clinton, and apply it to Joe Biden with just a few tweaks. In my hypothetical sitcom, he’s crazy, garrulous Uncle Joe, who comes to your place, says a whole bunch of stuff and leaves you scratching your head, saying, “What did he just say?” Or, just as often, “Did he really say what I think I just heard him say?!?” He’s the other Ted Baxter-type of Democrat politicians.

The Democrats are hardly at a loss for Ted Baxter-types. In fact they’re practically overrun with ’em. John (Lurch) Kerry is another, and Hillary Clinton is a female version. The problem with Kerry is he looks, acts and sounds so much like Lurch, that you can’t call him a Ted Baxter-type at the same time. You have to decide, and the Lurch image is just too on-the-nose, and … funny. NoteDennis McDonough gives Kerry a serious run-for-the-money in the “Lurch-imitator” department.

Jim Webb? Last and very much least in the Democrat field. When was the last time you heard anything about or from him? Yep. Not for a looooooong time! Yet, yes, he is running for President. The reason you haven’t heard anything from him is because he’s one of those rarest of creatures: a normal, sane Democrat. I know, I know… “normal, sane Democrat” sure seems like a contradiction in terms! There are some, but they are rare.

The party of Obama-Clinton-O’Malley-Gore-Kerry-Sanders, however, is not in any way interested in normal, sane people. Webb is the normal person in the sitcom, who looks around himself, sees nothing but nitwittery, and realizes that he has to accommodate himself to this strange reality. The only question about Webb is: how is it that he’s a member of the Democrat Party? He appears to be a patriotic, America-loving person. He’s a bit like Kirsten Powers, of whom we said (here  in the comments section) that she’s a Conservative-to-be.

Not a one of them, though, has any actual beliefs or principles whatsoever, beyond what he or she has to do to beg, borrow, cajole, lie, bribe or buy, in order to get one-half plus one of the electoral votes in November, 2016. The one honest one in the pack is Bernie Sanders, and he’s certifiably crazy. Again with the possible exception of Jim Webb, who doesn’t have a chance to win the Democrat Party nomination.

— xPraetorius

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