Hmmmm…What COULD It Possibly Be?!?

I was listening to National Public Radio this morning. Of course, they had a bit on the murder of the four Marines yesterday. It was just a bit, then they moved on. Of course. The murders in Charleston, South Carolina occupied weeks of their “news” broadcasts, and they still figure prominently in their air time. However, these murder victims were just Marines; no one whom any one at NPR cares about.

The headline in the beginning of the hour’s “news” was “The FBI is searching for a motive in the shooting deaths of four Marines at …

Lessee, lessee, lessee… what motives could a guy named “Muhammed Whackjob Youssef Nutball Slopehead Abdulazeezpossibly have for murdering four marines?

Hmmm… No hints now! Let me think on it a bit.

** ponder ponder ponder **

Lessee… what clues do we have?
    ° Name:Muhammed Whackjob Youssef Nutball Slopehead Abdulazeez
    ° Birthplace: the Middle East (Kuwait specifically)
    ° Religion: Islam
    ° Social Media: Psychotic, pro-islam, pro-ISIS blog posts, tweets and Facebook posts
    ° Suspected: IQ of a shoe; an Islamic shoe.
    ° Appearance: Long, Islamic-style beard. Dim, empty eyes of the easily-led muslim

Darn! There’s just nothing to go on there.

Could it be workplace violence? Naw, the guy didn’t work there.

Could it be one of those, you know… “Lone Tiger?” “Lone Shark?” “Lone Warrior?” What the heck was that phrase, now? Ooohhhh…that’s right. I drew a blank for a moment: Could it have been one of those “Lone Gibbering Baboon” attacks? Could be.(1)

But then again, why? Why?!?

What possible motive could Muhammed Whackjob Youssef Nutball Slopehead Abdulazeez have had to murder four Marines in cold blood?

That sure is a mystery! Not sure we’ll ever get to the bottom of this one!

The President of the United States sure won’t.

— xPraetorius


(1) Henceforward to be known as “LGB attacks“© Our coinage. Pay the man if you want to use it! (“The Man” = “me”) Just kidding! Please feel free to use it whenever you want. I’d appreciate a mention now and again.


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