NPR Watch – 3/11/15

First of all, this is one of my all-time favorite features here at The Praetorian Writers’ Group. The NPR Watch feature is delightful because it practically writes itself, and because National Public Radio is such a rich vein of material for scornful derision and ridicule. They are National Pomposity Radio, or National Preachy Radio. But, really, they’re National Full-of-Themselves Radio.

However, lately they have been outdoing themselves. It’s been an embarrassment of riches and I have been too overwhelmed to write about it!

So, just bullet points today. Best I can do for now.

  • They give the “news” every half-hour from 4:00pm to 6:30pm each weekday. They have different news readers all the time. I think it was Jack Spear this time, who was telling us about the solar powered plane that was going to try to fly around the world or, as he put it, to “circumvent the globe.” I almost drove off the road I was laughing so hard. These are supposed to be the crême de la crême de la crême of newscasters, and when they make really silly mistakes like that, you realize that they’re really nothing more than hacks. Yes, the correct word is “circumnavigate.”
  • They’ve been going nuts about “climate change.” Jennifer Ludden treated us to a breathless account of how the “climate change deniers” have been obtaining funding from all sorts of conservative sources, etc. She regaled us with a particularly NPR-esque, breathlessly earnest passage about how the deniers “deny that climate change is happening,” (they don’t) and how they “deny that mankind is changing the climate.” (they also don’t) What’s positively weird is that what I’m saying is obviously true, while what Jennifer said was obviously false. No one denies that the climate is changing. That’s all it does. No one is denying that mankind affects climate change. Why? Simple: everything affects climate change. You just drew a breath as you read this, then you released it. You just caused climate change. A tiny bit of climate change, but real, genuine climate change nonetheless. Makes you wonder how credible a “news” organization can be when so many of their reports contain plainly false assertions. The question that the so-called deniers have is perfectly correct to pose: to what extent does man change the climate? By the way, it’s likely that compared to all the other factors there are, our influence over the climate is negligible. Non-zero, but negligible.
  • Did you know that NPR youth reporters are really great scientists too? Great psychologists and geneticists. They have to be. They report as fact that a “transgendered person” — let’s say a woman who says she’s a man — is indeed precisely what she says she is: a man. They refer to her as “he” and “him” for the rest of the feature, and if you didn’t hear the feature’s beginning, you would assume that you were hearing about someone who had, indeed, been a man all her life. Nope. Just a woman who says she’s a man. She’s got all the bumps, and curves and this’s and thats of a woman but, still, says she’s a man. And NPR swallows the bait, hook, line and sinker. Why? one wonders. If someone who is plainly a woman came up to you and announced that she was a man, would you just say, “Ok, you’re a dude.”? Of course not… why should you? The rest of the piece runs on about how “he” has such difficulty finding acceptance in the world and such. Ooooookay… So do people who sit in corners, rocking back and forth and talking with the furniture. It’s because they’re not all that attached to reality. You’re a woman who says you’re a guy! What did you think you were going to find?!? Any normal woman with whom you find yourself in a romantic clinch, and expects to find guy’s appurtenances, is going to be mighty surprised. Seriously, though, why is it that NPR gets to decide that what the LGBT people say about “gender identity” is true, and not just the delusions of unbalanced people? What’s the harm, you say? Well, if they were to get help, then maybe they could get away from their delusions. But if perfectly unqualified people like NPR reassure them that they’re perfectly normal, then they won’t even seek out help. NPR helps these poor people stay deluded and, frankly, crazy.
  • They did a story about the funding for a guy who said that the sun is the greatest cause of climate change. Turns out that he’s being funded by some suspect organization in NPR’s eyes. That was all they questioned about him. Not his research, not his conclusions… just his funding. Of course, you and I can put two and two together to understand that NPR was trying to imply that his findings were suspect, because the funding organization had a stake in his findings. Well, okay. Then you just eliminated all the studies funded by the environmentalists who have quite a stake in the findings of the studies they fund too, didn’t you? Furthermore, to imagine that the sun has the greatest effect on the climate is hardly a stretch. Let’s see what some real scientists say. Hmmmm… here’s something:

How large is the Sun compared to Earth?

Compared to Earth, the Sun is enormous! It contains 99.86% of all of the mass of the entire Solar System. The Sun is 864,400 miles (1,391,000 kilometers) across. This is about 109 times the diameter of Earth. The Sun weighs about 333,000 times as much as Earth. It is so large that about 1,300,000 planet Earths can fit inside of it. Earth is about the size of an average sunspot!

Gee… do ya think that might have some effect on the climate? But, you go ahead and drive your Priuses over there at NPR. I’m sure that’ll show that big ball of gas that could contain more than a million planet Earths who’s boss.

Needless to say, the rest of the NPR feature centered on how all those nasty climate change deniers were trying to kill us all just to make their corporate fat cat and Wall Street banker friends happy. Because, you see, those corporate fat cats and Wall Street banker types are all going to survive the coming climate change apocalypse, when no one else will. Then, when there’s no one left on earth except them, they’ll be rich, rich, rich beyond their wildest dreams because they can steal all the money from… or something. Whatever. Whenever you take the left to their inevitable logical conclusion, their arguments crumble into dust.

— xPraetorius


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