Didja Ever Notice…

… All “October Surprises” go against Republicans? There is word that there’s an October Surprise coming in this election cycle that will drag the Democrats’ corrupt bacon out of the fire yet again, so they can continue to accelerate American decline.

How can that be? How is that even possible? The Democrat Party is is a fraud, wrapped in a scam, inside a crime syndicate, and there are never any “October Surprises” that bring them down? How are there not so freakin’ many “October Surprises” pointing at the Democrats that the Republicans would need only to pick and choose between them all?

Here’s how it’s possible: Obama, or Hillary Clinton, or John Kerry could shoot someone in cold blood on the White House lawn, two weeks before the election, shouting “This is what we Democrats do!” in front of rolling cameras, and their supporters and voters would be all: “So what! Hundreds of thousands are dying in Syria because of our policies, and you’re worried about one itty-bitty person on the White House lawn? C’mon…talk about the real issues man!”

First of all, after such a shooting, people everywhere would be relieved that only one person had died at a Democrat’s hands. Normally their actions or inaction are good for several hundreds of thousands of dead around the world.

Republicans would figure that the time the prominent Democrat took to shoot the dude on the White House lawn was time he or she was not using to formulate the jaw-droppingly moronic policies that kill millions the world over. This is  why we Conservatives don’t really mind all that much that Obama golfs as much as he does. We explained that here.

People the world over would breathe a sigh of relief that whichever prominent Democrat shot the poor bloke on the White House lawn was not at that point focused on them, and that as a result of the shooting, and the time it took, they are that much closer to the end of the Democrat’s term in office, when there might be a chance that Americans won’t elect another one.

Remember, we called it here first. Flood? Tsunami? Earthquake? Hurricane? Tornado? Any sane city in America, any sane country in the world, if asked, would choose any of these natural disasters over being ruled by a Democrat.

If that’s the case, then as far as “October Surprises” are concerned, the Democrats are pretty much immunized against mere infidelity (Many of them), or rape (Bill Clinton), or murder (Ted Kennedy), or fraud (the entire party leadership).

Obama or Clinton or Kerry, or some other Democrat might have to be caught, say, doing something nice for a baby, or a poor person or a puppy, for their supporters to turn on them. “That’s not who we are…” they’d say, “We give pregnant women the ‘choice’ to off their baby; we euthanize puppies; we keep poor people poor, so they’ll keep voting for us… Making people poor or dead — and not necessarily in that order — that’s real compassion!”

How do you uncover “October Surprises” against a party like that? You can have “October Surprise” only against a party for which you have relatively high expectations. No one expects anything noble, or uplifting, or great and good from Democrats. You vote for Democrats if you want stuff given to you, that was paid for by others.

— xPraetorius

4 thoughts on “Didja Ever Notice…

  1. History suggests it would take years to determine if the individual on the lawn was murdered or was the grateful recipient of a beneficent, possibly Holy, act… Assisted Suicide. By the time it’s sorted out one would have to Screech… sorry, Ask… ‘At this point, What does it really matter… my young pretty!?’. And all the Arbiters of Information would assume an Elitist air of Wizened Vacancy then nod knowingly while allowing the story to die by not addressing the question again. (Unless it was a Republican, Libertarian, Conservative, Anyone who dared to Question Anything, Non-Union Member, Small Business Owner, Actual Taxpayer, etc… etc… as you aptly point out.)
    Spot On, Brilliant Post! As Always!

  2. This is so good, x. If it weren’t true it wuiold be really funny. It is certainly, however, one of the finest pieces of punditry I’ve seen in a long time.

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